Before you see the whimsical new animated feature *clears throat* Before you see the whimsical new- *clears throat* Before you see the whimsical new… uh… You know what? The epic voice just isn’t the right fit for Wes Anderson. Can anyone here do a good Alec Baldwin? – Hello.
– Close enough. Take it away Baldy. “Oh, f*** it.” Before you see the whimsical new animated feature from your barista’s favorite director, revisit all his meticulously crafted awkward family fables that make you kinda happy, kinda sad and kinda unsure when you’re supposed to laugh or not. He he he he he……. Why are they laughing? Every Wes Anderson movie, I mean film.
Every Wes Anderson film. Sally forth and tally-ho with director Wes Anderson, whose style is so specific he’s basically his own genre; featuring more symmetrical shots than you can shake an art department at, more nostalgia than you can cram into a quirky indoor tent and more whimsy than a love-struck Cub Scout dancing in his underwear to a lakeside record player. Honestly, after eight movies, I’m not sure if I made that shot up or not. Oh, there it is. Meet a Wes Anderson protagonist. He’s definitely not a woman – but an emotionally stunted man suffering from a vague bout of ennui. “How was that supposed to make us feel?” Watch him deal with a strained parental relationship. “Your mother’s asked me to leave.” “Would it be possible for me to address you as ‘dad’?” “No.” – “Why didn’t you come to dad’s funeral?”
– “Because I didn’t want to.” Sibling rivalries… “You don’t love me!” “Yes I do!” “I love you too, but imma mace you in the face!” And maybe an affair. “You’ve made a cuckold of me.” “I think he’s on to us.” “Of course he is.” But with the help of a brown subordinate slash love interest, a wardrobe full of dapper menswear and a classic slow-motion walk, he’ll end up happy, I think? It’s sort of hard to tell, but that’s what makes it artistic. Revisit eight films as meticulously crafted as the dollhouse sets they probably feature. Including: A tale of two disaffected friends, the cleaning woman that one of them loves and a meticulously planned robbery that goes wrong. A tale of this disaffected student, his disaffected older friend, the teacher both of them love and a meticulously planned revenge plot that goes wrong. A tale of this disaffected family, the sister that one of them loves and a meticulously planned family reunion that goes wrong. A tale of this disaffected oceanographer, the reporter both he and his son love and a meticulously planned documentary that goes wrong. A tale of these disaffected brothers, the train stewardess one of them loves and a meticulously planned trip through India that goes wrong. A tale of this disaffected Fox, the wife he loves and a meticulously planned different robbery that goes wrong. A tale of these two disaffected kids who are in love with each other and the meticulously planned escape that goes wrong. And a tale of this hotel manager, the dead old women he loves and the meticulously planned art heist that goes wrong. It sounds repetitive, but trust me. They’re just the most charming little things. “Thanks.” So before you see the adorable looking Isle of Dogs, revisit the director who can only be described as Wes Anderson – who’s influenced an entire generation of indie filmmakers and an even larger generation of pale hipsters who hate their parents. ‘Ugh, you just don’t get me dad. I was born in the wrong decade.’ “The escape route, just in case somebody is tailing us.” “We’ll start with Boggis’ Chicken House #1” “It’s 25 inches of reinforced granite masonry.” “I’d like to pitch camp here about 1600.” “Klaus Daimler” “Bob Maplethorpe” “Edward Appleby” “Rosemary Cross” “Applejack.” “Goodnight, Mr. Littlejeans!” “You tried–” “Ohhhh!” “Uhhhh!!!” “My mother’s dead.” “Sam’s parents passed away a number of years ago.” “You should have been at Dad’s funeral.” “My father died at seven and a half” “My father was murdered.” “They ran over Buckley.” You know, we gave him crap for repeating himself But the last thing anyone wants is a desaturated shaky-cam CGI fest out of him. Just a movie about the drama club at Hogwarts. Hey, Internet! Do you love puppies? Then click the link on the left because we got the cast of Pacific Rim to play with puppies. We present Pupcific Rim: Puprising *reading comments*