Honest Trailers – The Room

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In a world where most movies are just OK, one film will be so bizarre, so upsetting, and so aggressively bad, the sheer amount of suck will collapse in on itself like a dying star and explode in a supernova of unintentional genius. “AAAAAAAAH!” Tommy Wiseau stars in, writes, produces, and directs a film that puts the passion in passion project, financed by a rumored $6,000,000 of his own mysterious fortune, and featuring 3 long minutes of his own mysterious buttcheeks. He’s a man with a singular vision, a unique personal style, and a powerful message to share with the world. Maybe it’s OK to give up on your dreams. “How can they say this about me? I don’t believe it. I’ll show them.” Journey to B-roll of San Francisco and meet Johnny, your everyday all-American Dracula. “You know, people don’t have to say it. They can feel it.” Sometimes, his emotions run hot. “You are TEARING ME APART, LISA! Sometimes, he’s so cold, it’s like he forgets he’s on camera. But he always finds time to laugh at the little things. “Anything for my princess!” Or laugh for no particular reason. Or laugh at things you really shouldn’t be laughing at. One of them found out about it, beat her up so bad she ended up in a hospital on Guerrero Street. Dude, what part of that is funny? Experience a story that at its core, is a really simple love triangle. Where Johnny’s engaged to Lisa, his wife of the future. “You’re my future wife.” “Lisa’s your future wife.” “After all, she’s my future wife.” But she doesn’t love him. “I don’t love Johnny anymore.” “I don’t love him anymore.” “I don’t love him anymore.” “But I don’t love him!” So she sleeps with Mark, his best friend. “Johnny’s my best friend.” x3 “I know.” “He’s your best friend.” But set that aside, because The Room has enough dangling plot threads to weave a blanket. Like… This endless, unexplained game of tuxedo football, Johnny’s promotion at… whatever his job is, these two friends who randomly appear and disappear throughout the movie, this drug deal that’s never mentioned again. “Where’s my f–king money, Denny?!!” ..and, the most casual ‘I have cancer’ of all time. “I got the results of the test back.” “I definitely have breast cancer.” You- uh- you gonna react to that? No? Okay, cool. Cool. Most movies cut straight to the interesting parts, but The Room is NOT most movies. Where if a man makes a tape, you get to see him set up the equipment. If two friends have lunch, you see what everyone in front of them ordered. “And, uh, I’ll take some cheesecake and a coffee.” “Okay, why don’t you guys go have a seat, we’ll have that right out for you.” “Hi, how you doing?” “What would you like?” “Can I get… a bagel and Americana? “Great, sure.” “I’m gonna get a slice of cheesecake and a bottle of water.” “Yeah, that sounds good. Why don’t you guys have a seat, we’ll have that right out for you.” “Hi, Susan.” “Hi, Johnny.” And if a man gives his fiancee flowers, you’ll see exactly how that financial transaction went down. Spoiler alert, it was weird! “How much is it?” – “It’ll be $18.” – Here you go, keep the change! “Hi, doggy.” “You’re my favorite customer.” “Thanks a lot! Bye!” Do you like sex? Well, not for long, because you’re about to watch an alien’s approximation of human love-making, where a little man playing a little boy tries to join a threesome. “Three’s a crowd.” these 2 randoms act like toddlers while they do it, “Arms up.” and Johnny does his best to penetrate the area around Lisa’s bellybutton. Just close your eyes when the R&B comes on. Trust us. So enjoy this real-life version of Springtime for Hitler that’s the pinnacle of so-bad-it’s-good filmmaking, spawning midnight movie screenings, Oscar caliber films about its creation, and the enduring mystery of who Tommy Wiseau is, where he’s from, where his money comes from, and how old he is. But some mysteries are probably better left unsolved. We’ve seen the guy’s taint. I don’t need to know anymore. “Oh, hey, guys.” “I have to go now.” “Oh, hey, Peter.” “I’ve got to go.” “Ohai, Mike.” “I gotta go.” “Ohai, Mark.” “I have to go.” “Ohai, Denny.” “I have to go now.” “Oh, hey, Lisa.” “I better be going.” “Oh, hey, Peter.” “I gotta go.” “Ohai, Denny.” “I gotta go.” “Ohai, Claudette.” “Oh, God, I have to run.” “Don’t worry.” x5 “Don’t worry about it.” x3 “Don’t worry about it, Johnny. He’s just being a big baby.” “Women change their minds all the time.” “You think girls like to cheat like guys do?” “They never say what they mean, and they always play games.” “Sometimes they’re just too smart. “Sometimes they’re flat-out stupid. Other times, they’re just evil.” “I don’t want to talk about it.” x5 “Just a little chicken. “Cheep! Cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep, cheep! Cheeeep!” “Cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep!” “Cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep!” I like to think Lisa’s mom isn’t playing a character. She’s just a lady who wandered in and started commenting on what she saw. “What are these characters doing here?” “How many people come in and out of this apartment every day? “This is worse than Grand Central Station.”

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