If Movies Were Real

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(man) No, no, don’t go in that door! There’s a monster in there– {IAN} – SHUT UP! This movie’s retarded. No girl that hot would know this much about cars. It’s a Transformers movie, get over it. I know, but it just bothers me, because the only way that a girl would know that much about cars, is if she was ugly, had bad BO or was a lesbian. Yeah, but just imagine how stupid movies would be if they were all realistic. (People Screaming)
(Pineapples Dropping) *In Distress* Why did it have to rain pineapples?! I know what you are. Your skin is pale white and ice cold. You don’t go out in the sunlight. Say it out loud. Say it. Vampire. No, I just play a lot of World of Warcraft! Mama always told me there’s an awful lot you can tell about someone just by looking at their shoes. Where are they going? Hey! Those are my chocolates! THERE’S DOG SH!T EVERYWHERE! (Voldemort) Try to catch me! Haha! (Harry) Get back here, Voldemort! AUGH! Oh, My English teabags…! (Wet Bandits) Lemme make a deal with you. You throw down your camera and we won’t hurt you. (Kevin) Okay! *bricks scraping on other bricks* (One of the Wet Bandits) *Pained Groan* {Rest In Peace Marv} (Ian) Big boy to Speckles, come in. Big boy to Speckles, do you read me? *Yells* ANSWER ME, DAMN IT!! *awkward silence* (Carl) So long, boys! *blows raspberry* *Triumphant music plays* (Ian) Yeah, I guess those movies would suck. (Anthony) Told you. (Ian) *sighs* God. Well I gotta go to work. (Anthony) *almost sarcastically* Selling Miley Cyrus’ used tissues on eBay is NOT work. (Ian) *insulted, childish manner* Yes, it is! *Engine conks out* (Sexy woman) A USDMTJO5 with a TDF turbo? That’s pretty impressive! I see what’s wrong here. Your, uh, distributor cap’s a little loose. (Ian) Oh my God, it really does happen! (Ian) *acting Cassanova-ish* Hey, do you think maybe you and me could- *dramatic sting* (Ian) *in disbelief* Uhhhh… {BLOOPER} I think you’re a vampire.

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