(phone rings) (man) Hey, man, what’s up?
I’m in a theater. – Yeah, I can talk.
– (Ian) Shut up! (zombies moaning,
person screaming, gunshots) Why do people even like zombie movies? – Uh… they’re fun to watch?
– This is fun? Watching a bunch of corpses
get their heads blown off? Yeah. Imagine how stupid
scary movies would be if they were actually realistic. IF SCARY MOVIES
WERE REAL SAW (crying) Help! Why is that dead guy breathing? Damn it! signs Die, alien! (grunts) (alien laughs) You really thought our weakness was water? You humans are stupider
than I thought. (laughing) PSYCHO ♪ (suspenseful horror music) ♪ (gasps) Damn! ANACONDA (exaggerated groaning) No! (yelling) (grunting) CHUCKY
“CHILD’S PLAY” (Ian gasping frantically) Oh, no! Anthony! My doll is trying to kill me! You’re my favorite deputy. Are you kidding? – Die, bitch!
– (screams) PITCH
ring (static buzzing) ♪ (Justin Bieber, “Baby” ringtone) ♪ Hello? (voice on phone) Seven days. (dial tone) Oh, hell no. – (line rings)
– Hello? Yeah, you just called me. – No, I didn’t.
– Yeah, you did. Uh… Livelinks sex line.
How may I assist you? Okay, I know this isn’t
a sex line. You’re lying. Yes, it is. How much do you charge? SEX AND THE CITY ♪ (dramatic sting) ♪ SCREAM
(OR ANY SLASHER MOVIE) – (woman screams)
– (villain laughs) (doors rattling) (chuckling sinisterly) Ah! That was easy. – Yeah, I guess that would be pretty dumb.
– Told you. Well, I gotta go. Old Sparky needs a little trim. (moaning) Oh! Holy dingleberries! (moaning continues) – Die, zombies!
– Wait! (grunts) They’re not zombies. They’re just really, really high. (stoners munching) – So, then I just–
– Yeah, you’re going to prison. To see bloopers & deleted scenes from
THE EXORCIST + The Birds CLICK THE LINK BELOW! (spooky voice) Thanks for
subscribing! (chuckles creepily) I’m looking at you through your window.