YOU vs 1000 ZOMBIES – How To Defeat and Survive a Zombie Horde

YOU vs 1000 ZOMBIES – How To Defeat and Survive a Zombie Horde

Posted by

It’s here- the zombie apocalypse at last. Luckily, you’ve been keeping yourself informed
and up-to-date on zombie threats and zombie survival strategies because you’re one smart
cookie that subscribes to The Infographics Show, so you’re better prepared than most
people. Maybe there was a biological outbreak of a
brain-infecting mold, or evil magicians have summoned forth the walking dead to stalk the
earth, or maybe it’s just another episode of The Mandalorian and now hordes of mindless
Baby Yoda fans are trying to convince you it’s actually a good show- either way, thanks
to your frequent viewing of our show you’re already prepared as we’ve already covered
all these situations and more! This time though we’re not going to advise
you to head for the hills as we usually do, because this time it’s a fight to the death. It’s you versus a thousand walking, shambling
corpses, all hellbent on eating your brains like space aliens from Zeti Reticuli. How are you going to defeat the horde?! Your battlefield for this fight will be the
average American city, which means there’ll be plenty of resources at your disposal in
your one-man war against the walking dead. First though, we must know our enemy. The zombie as we know it has its origins in
Caribbean voodoo practices, with voodoo practitioners claiming to have the power to create real
life zombies. Modern science has discovered that there might
be some terrifying truth to this tale though. In 1980, a researcher named Wade Davis discovered
that voodoo practitioners would often powder a neurotoxin found in pufferfish and other
animals called tetrodotoxin. The powder could severely impair brain function
and leave an individual in a zombie-like state, although it would require a very precise amount
that many scientists were skeptical a voodoo practitioner could accurately measure. Too little and the effect would be incomplete,
too much and it would be lethal. One man at least is convinced of the validity
of zombies, and that’s Haitian Clairvius Narcisse. He was declared dead only to return home 18
years later, very much not dead. Researchers believe that narcisse was given
a mixture of tetrodotoxin and bufotoxin, which put him in a coma and made it appear as if
he was dead. His family thus buried him and after mourners
left, voodoo witches known as Bokor returned and dug him up, then put him to work on a
sugar plantation as a mindless slave. He was fed a constant diet of this powerful
drug mixture, keeping him in a perpetual zombie state until finally one day the owner of the
plantation died and his drugging ended. The zombies we’re putting you up against though
aren’t drug-addled innocent victims- or maybe the are, does it really matter? They definitely want your brains, and right
now the point of them being alive or dead is pretty much moot. A zombie’s mindlessness can be its weakness,
making it easy to outmaneuver and lure into traps and ambushes- but it is also its strength. And we mean that literally. Some scientists believe that our brains regulate
our own strength, so that we don’t inadvertently hurt ourselves by overexerting our muscles
and perhaps doing things like ripping them from the bone. For a zombie though, there’s no higher mental
processes going on, so this lack of a ‘regulator’ is believed to be the source of a zombie’s
incredible strength. In other words, you’re going to want to stay
out of hand to hand combat with a zombie, or it’ll literally tear you to ribbons. Luckily though most zombies are fairly slow,
despite what some television shows would have you believe. That’s simply because when the body dies it
begins to decompose, and while the zombie curse keeps the worst parts of decomposition
at bay, much of the body still atrophies and stiffens. Imagine trying to run with two bad charlie
horses- that’s pretty much how impossible it is for a zombie to move quickly. What they lack for in mobility though they
more than make up for in numbers, and today you’re going up against a whopping one thousand
of them! Before we teach you how to defend yourself,
we need to talk zombie biology. There’s been much talk about how to permanently
put a zombie down, and while the fabled head shot seems to be the hands down favorite,
we have serious problems with that. First, hitting a moving target the size of
a basketball isn’t going to be easy, even if it is slowly shambling along- there’s a
reason why police and military are taught to aim center mass, and not go for cool Call
of Duty headshots no scope! That might be impressive in the digital world,
but in the real world it’s a great way to get yourself killed. The thing about a zombie is it still has a
skeleton, and like any vertebrate animal it very much needs that skeleton in order to
stay upright. The bones provide a foundation for the muscles
to work with and keep you standing on two feet, start removing or breaking bones and
you very quickly collapse into a pile of zombie-bait, only able to shuffle forward a few feet in
a pathetic crawl. For any zombie out there, this is also true. Snap some femurs or break a zombie’s back,
and that zombie’s going to drop faster than terrible Star Wars films. Break a zombie’s neck and wish it good luck
trying to bite you when it can’t even keep its head up. So don’t worry so much about headshots, instead
keep to the tried and true tactic of aiming center mass. Alright, let’s talk weapons. First, you’re going to want an option for
close-in one-on-one kills. The typical favorite here is the katana, because
who doesn’t want to be a badass apocalypse street samurai? Well, nobody who wants to stay alive, that’s
who. Katanas may look awesome, but they are pretty
terrible zombie weapons. Firstly, you’re probably using the katana
wrong, you’re not supposed to swing the blade with all your might the way you would a European
sword, you’re actually supposed to flick your wrist for killing strikes similar to fly fishing. Secondly, katanas were made more for slashing
strikes that could bleed an opponent to death, and zombies are notoriously immune to bleeding
to death by virtue of already being dead. We hate to ruin your weebo fantasy of becoming
a post-apocalyptic samurai master, but you’re going to want to stick with a good old axe
instead of some fancy katana you’ll likely just end up slicing yourself up with. Axes are solid, heavy, and can bring a combination
of cutting and smashing force down on an opponent, making them perfect for destroying zombie
bodies. Another good choice would be something similar
to a medieval morningstar, which can deliver terrifying amounts of crushing power in one
blow. Morningstars were actually the preferred weapon
of conscript armies during the medieval ages as they required no skill to wield and could
devastate even knights in plate armor. Remember, you’re not going to be able to bleed
a zombie to death, but if you smash bones that zombie will be left a crawling mess you
can easily step over in no time at all. Alright, maces and axes are great, but as
long as you can find ammo for it, little is going to beat a Mossberg street sweeper for
close quarters zombie combat. You’ve probably seen it countless times in
shows- the main character gets themselves a shotgun and then saws the front of it off
for the legendary sawed off shotgun. Is there a more iconic post-apocalyptic weapon?! Maybe the chainsaw, and even then only when
wielded by a time traveling S-Mart clerk missing a hand. Here’s the thing though, leave that barrel
exactly where it’s at, or at most, saw it off a few inches. You want your shotgun to be versatile, and
still be able to peg a target at a moderate range while providing massive firepower at
close quarters. If you saw the barrel off too short, the pellets
in the shotgun round are going to spread far too wide to do much good against a zombie. Remember, you need to cause massive physical
destruction to a zombie’s body, not just shower it with shotgun pellets. Keeping a tight spread will deliver horrifying
amounts of kinetic energy to a small area, effectively turning your shotgun into a zombie
disintegration cannon. Now we’re going to be looking at how to kill
groups of zombies at a time. Luckily for you, you’re fighting in a modern
city, which means one thing: there’s plenty of supplies to scavenge. When it comes to taking out groups of zombies,
nothing’s better than a homemade grenade. Except for, you know, a real grenade. Anyway, the first thing you’ll want to do
is find yourself some fireworks, which may or may not be that difficult depending on
your local county regulations. If you can’t find fireworks then simple sparklers
will do. If fireworks are not legal in your county
though then don’t despair, because remember: this is America. Fireworks may be illegal in many places due
to safety concerns, but bullets definitely aren’t. So get yourself some bullets and simply ply
them apart. Whether using fireworks or bullets, what you’re
getting at is the powder inside. That black stuff inside a bullet casing isn’t
pepper, it’s gunpowder and what makes guns work. You’ll want to get yourself a good amount
of the stuff and set it aside. Next, start collecting aerosol cans and tin
foil. You’ll want to pack gunpowder into the curved
bottom of an aerosol can and then use a piece of string soaked with lighter fluid and run
it from the gunpowder up the side of the can. Use tin foil to keep the whole thing together,
and you should be left with a tin-foil wrapped aerosol can that has a fuse sticking out of
it. Now, simply light the fuse and run for your
life, because homemade explosives are incredibly unpredictable, which by the way is exactly
why you should never try this at home. If you can find a medical supply store though
you can enhance your zombie-busting grenades by including a small canister of liquid nitrogen
in your packaging. The explosive blast of the aerosol can bursting
will spray liquid nitrogen in a large area and slow down incoming zombies even more,
giving you plenty of time to finish them off. With your homemade grenades you can probably
thin the crowd of zombies substantially, but it’s going to be a protracted hit and run
war. You’ll be wanting to stick to the high ground
because zombies are notoriously poor climbers, and prepare ever bigger and better explosions
because seriously, a thousand zombies is a LOT of zombies to kill as just one man or
woman. To start taking out large groups of zombies
you’ll want to start getting creative, or at least mobile. It’s time to pimp your zombie apocalypse ride,
because the end of the world is here and we’re going riding one last time. Pick a heavy duty truck of some kind, ideally
something with four wheel drive and an extended cab for vital supplies. Then, you’ll want to start affixing all kinds
of pointy, sharp nasty bits to the front of it- you can take lengths of pipe and shear
the end off at an angle to make homemade spikes, simply affix to the front of your deathmobile
with the help of metal wire ties or a whole lot of tape. Maybe throw in some saw blades while you’re
at it, though you’ll want them perpendicular to the ground so they slice through zombies
being run over by your zombie-killing death wagon. You’ll need to protect the tires though, so
we recommend you take the time to affix mud flaps to each tire, only place them in front
of the tire rather than behind. That way any zombie getting run over will
be forced down by the mud flap and hopefully avoid puncturing your tire inadvertently. Listen, this next part is easy- all you have
to do is ride now. Just take a cruise up and down your city’s
blocks mowing down zombies like it was going out of style, because pretty soon it will
be. To make sure your vehicle doesn’t get stuck
in all the gore, just snap some cold weather chains on to your tires to give you traction
in even the slickest, most zombie-guts filled streets. At this point you just have to avoid getting
jumped while going to and from your zombie killing death wagon, because once you’re inside
that bad boy there’s nothing the walking dead can do to stop you from winning this epic
matchup. Now that you know how to defend yourself your
next mission is to click this video right here or this one over here!


  1. Me: CALL THE VIETNAMESE AND LET THEM SET THE TRAPS! And also rush them with 20,000 IS-2 and T-34 tanks

    American veterans : gets flashbacks.

  2. “Once you’re inside the truck and the wheels are protected, there’s nothing the zombies can do”

    Wrong. The front of the truck has the radiator. Damage that and goodbye truck. Also, running zombies over could puncture a fuel line or an air brake line, both of which would immobilize the vehicle

  3. Yes make a death weapon that catches zombies on your vehicle, eventually slowing you down enough to be overrun, instead of making it so they cant grab anything on your vehicle at all.

  4. High center mass is a target the size of a basketball. Maybe. Head shot is a 3"x5" index card size target. Also all the choke is in the last few inches so 1" or 10" it's the same problem. Either cut it way back or not at all.

  5. Yes, I'll obviously be able to find a shotgun, ax, and medieval morning star in the wreck of a city, while on the run from 1000 zombies.

  6. Zombies: maybe we should be slower because it would be op
    Baby zombies: I own the speedometer I'm going to use the speedometer

  7. Hunker down sit there to see about if you live in a warm climate. They should rot. And fall apart within two years. And if it's like that the brain old dry up way before then. So yeah, I just hunker down and make sure I got plenty of stuff to eat. And let him fall apart. Let them destroy themselves. Does eventually the flesh is going to rot off the bones and if there's no tendons holding bones together? They're going to fall apart.

  8. How to Survive a zombir apocalypse:

    Everybody: "Load their Guns"
    Me:Planting Sunflowers, WallNuts, Threepeater. "Come on!"

  9. If I have access to a home depot, I could easily beat 1000 zombies with an arsenal made of powertools, blunt instruments, and incredible amounts of plywood and pvc

  10. Just steal a humvee with either a .50cal turret mounted or a grenade launcher mounted with lots of ammo and make more armour around it with a little cage to prevent the smart zombies from getting to you

  11. Why destroy perfect bullets for gunpowder? just make gunpowder urself :')
    a basic recipe is 75% potassium nitrate, 15% charcoal, 10% sulfur

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *